To a Sister I've Never Met

Hey darling,

It’s so sad that I can’t be with you today. I never thought that I’d miss my little sister’s birthday. No good excuse either, but don’t be mad at me for too long, ahaha. But hey, I'm sure the party’s packed. What did the parents say? Are they mad? Eh, rhetorical question. Tell me how it feels? You’re 19 now, it’s a big number, you know. I remember when I turned 19, you were calling me old, telling me to go get married, find a normal job. Funny, how tables turned now, huh? I bet you’re not looking for a husband yet. However, I’ve heard there’s been a boy, mom sent me some pics. Frankly, I really want to meet him. I hope he’s better than the previous one; that one just looked like he’d never seen a dumbbell in his life. There was no passive aggression here, I promise.

Regardless, Mom told me you were stressing about your ex again. Why though? Who cares if that guy isn’t who you thought he was? Trust me, in a matter of weeks, you will have a new bunch all lined up in front of you on their knees and won’t know which one to choose. Speaking of your ex — have you seen his new haircut? Jesus. Simply atrocious. I wonder what he tells himself in the mirror when he sees his unkempt face. Ew. But, also, little one, don’t forget how far you’ve come. This guy happened in your life for a reason, and you went through this distress like a real champ. I’m proud of you. I have a feeling that this year’s gonna be different. You’re 19 now — practically ancient. On a serious note, each year, you will get prettier, smarter, and wiser. And also, if that’s gonna make you feel better, eventually I think he will beg you for a second chance. Remember how I acted when that girl left me? I came back to her front door with her mom screaming at me to leave, yet I still stayed and begged just so that this girl would talk to me for two minutes. Embarrassing. Core memory, though.

Oh, you know what I also just recalled. Remember that grimy old lady who always used to yell at us and spread all sorts of rumours, so apparently she died. It felt so lousy that we never said any good words towards her, and she left this world with hatred. Somebody told me that she’s not even getting buried; her own son is on another continent, and I guess he already forgot that he even had a mom. And no one else really wants to get associated with her. Safe to say that the old lady didn’t leave much of a legacy. I still can’t forget what she said to you that day:

“I saw you bringing three boys last week. You know who you are? You are a filthy whore. You don’t deserve to live in such a house. It wasn’t built for somebody who dresses as if their tits were meant to be seen for the whole neighbourhood. You’re a disgrace. Do you even know who built this house? I will tell you who… real comrades, real decent people, honourable men with soviet integrity, nothing like you.”

These old-fashioned folks scare me, honestly. On the one hand, they don’t even have anyone to speak to. On the other they make everyone hate them. I am sure you agree that back when she was our age, she wouldn’t dare to talk the same way about communist honour, or maybe, who knows, propaganda was still too strong. Regardless, sugartooth, I don’t even know why I mentioned it. I guess I’m just scared to die alone like she did. Sick, stripped of any affection, forgotten, makes me even slightly more empathetic towards her. Imagine if it were our grandparents instead of a random woman. Just the thought of it makes me unsettled. What would you do if you were in my place?

Honestly, I can’t wait to actually see you, and yes, of course, give you your present. Remember that black navy Tissot watch with a leather strap that we saw together when we were with the fam in the mall? I saw how you looked at it. To be honest, I even tried it on and thought of getting myself one. I mean, you can’t blame me, it’s a good watch. Either way, it’s been kind of easy to outdo my last year’s present. But, sorry, I felt like you really did need an electric toothbrush, no? And where are all the complaints now? I don’t see you not using it, so it’s been a good gift.

I already thought of a place where we could celebrate properly, it’s near the school where we studied before we moved. It’s funny how that was my least favourite school, and for you, your most. Remember Denis? That guy who was obsessed with you a couple years ago? He just opened a restaurant. Good guy, actually, he invited us and said happy to give us the best dinner ever. I’ve been there already a couple of times, trust me, it’s a great place, and Denis now has a girlfriend, so you should be safe. Also, the place has a mixture of Georgian and Ukrainian cuisine, an interesting mix, huh?

But, yeah, once again, little one, happy birthday. I won’t say everything in a letter — I’d rather tell you the rest in person. Until then, I’ll keep writing to you until you write back. We will meet very soon, I promise.

Love you, sugartooth

Your brother

05.09.2006